24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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