Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
