Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
