Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
