the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it's great music for shaving your balls
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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