as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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