she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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