so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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