i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
