Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
