i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
