If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
