Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize