Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
