For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
