Already got asked if we're dating
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
