it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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