I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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