I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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