the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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