Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
