I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
