you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
