Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
