Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
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