I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
