It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
