So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
