someone get that fucking seahorse.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
