he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
