I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
