she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize