Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
