that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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