hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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