A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
