i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
