your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
