Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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