do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
