Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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