The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize