fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
