You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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