So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
