This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
