there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
