Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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