I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
