I smell stomach acid.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize