Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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