I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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