Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
