I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize