we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Blood and glitter go together right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
