never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
