you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize