You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
