Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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