I wanna bring you to show and tell
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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