I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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