Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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