it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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