I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
