Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
