Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Green mimosas i think yes
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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