I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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