this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize