Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
