Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
