So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
