she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
