we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
