I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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