I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
