i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
