Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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