Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize