I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
4 words: hood of his car
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
