I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
