the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
