sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
