He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize