R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
