y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
