i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
