when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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