Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We are all done wearing pants today
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
