I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
