he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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