he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
