I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
