epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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