You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
