We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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