God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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